Bellaafrica27)My Spouse's Apology Letter Made Everything So Much Worse
My Spouse's Apology Letter Made Everything So Much Worse
after I discovered their affair, a letter that somehow made everything worse, not better.
Subscribe because this "apology" was truly shocking.
When someone betrays you and then apologizes, you expect remorse, accountability, maybe an
attempt to make things right. What you don't expect is an apology that reveals they're even
worse than you thought. That's what happened when my wife wrote me a letter apologizing for
her affair. Instead of making me feel better, it showed me I'd completely misjudged who she
was.
I found out my wife, Michelle, was having an affair when a mutual friend saw her with someone at
a restaurant. I confronted her, she admitted it, and I moved out immediately. A week later, I
received a letter in the mail, five handwritten pages from Michelle. The envelope said "Please
Read this. I need you to understand." I thought maybe she was taking accountability, maybe
explaining herself in a way that would help me process the betrayal. I was so wrong.
The letter started with "I'm sorry you had to find out this way." Already a bad sign—she was
sorry I found out, not sorry she did it. It got worse. Michelle explained that she'd been having
affairs throughout our entire eight-year marriage. Not just this one, multiple affairs with multiple
people. She'd been cheating since year one. She listed them in the letter, like she was making a
confession to unburden herself. Seven different people over eight years. She said she'd never
been satisfied with monogamy but didn't know how to tell me. She'd married me knowing she
couldn't be faithful, but she'd wanted the stability of marriage. The worst part? She wrote that
she didn't actually feel that sorry because "this is who I am, and I can't apologize for being
myself." She framed her serial cheating as self-actualization.
I was already devastated by the one affair I'd discovered. Reading that letter destroyed me on a
different level. Our entire marriage had been a lie. Every moment I'd treasured, every memory
I'd held onto, she'd been cheating during all of it. Our anniversaries, our vacations, family
holidays, she'd been actively betraying me the whole time. And she wasn't even sorry. She felt
entitled to it. She dared to say in the letter that she hoped I could "understand" and
that we could eventually be friends. Friends? After learning she'd betrayed me with seven
people over eight years and didn't regret it? The letter showed me I'd never known her at all.
The person I'd married was a complete fiction.
That was two years ago. I haven't responded to the letter. I filed for divorce, got tested for STDs
thankfully negative, and cut off all contact with Michelle. She tried to reach out several times,
saying I was "overreacting" to her honesty. Overreacting? She'd broken every promise she
made to me and then had the nerve to act like I was the problem for not accepting it. I'm in
therapy, working through the magnitude of the betrayal. That letter somehow made everything
worse by showing me the affairs weren't mistakes, they were who she chose to be.
That's my story of the apology that made things worse. Sometimes, the more you learn, the
worse it gets. Like, subscribe, and remember that true apologies include accountability, not
justification.
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